The Cabin Fever Rant n Rave.

Dear Joe:

Today, I am getting some cabin fever. Not that the winter has been too long, it’s just I not getting into it this year. As you know my wife and I are raising our ten year old grandson and he is getting smarter by the day as I seem to be going in the opposite direction. The wife is not having this problem. Why is that?

Gravity is the answer. I am on the slippery slope and seem to be picking up speed. That is scary. Yes, I have turned a milestone year in my life according to the experts in the Family. I was always blessed with a lot of smart people in my life aka “know-it-alls”. So, you know you are automatically stupid as soon as they are in our house.

I usually call it our Home, but they quickly reduce this to a house and I want them out-ta my house. Furthermore as much as I try to love them, I don’t like them. Know, whom I am speaking about? The, pain-in-da-butts, but that is not nearly an accurate description.

Shit, they have an opinion about everything including my recent operation to “parts unknown” and they know all about it. How in the hell did you find all this out? I have not said a word other than it was a “mannish problem”. Well, if they got paid for all this knowledge and shared that with me, I would be well off and a free man.

Next, I don’t want all the advice, I rather learn on the run. And, assuming they never had, what I had, I don’t want to know what the worst case scenario might look like. That is scary enough knowing they know, what I don’t know, you know?

What’s, worst, they think I am the salt of the earth and they love me and profess this to me constantly. Wtf, am I doing wrong? I treat them nicely because I don’t to embarrass the Family and this makes me a saint. “They”, say Karma pay-back is a bitch. Seems, I need to examine my soul and find out where on the road I fell off.

Well, its ten o’clock somewhere, I need to have some red wine, which I keep hid behind the computer monitor, camouflaged  and I drink this from a 500 mL chili sauce jar ; will that will throw them off? Aka, why is poppa so happy?

So, what the hell was I talking about? Another sip of the golden nectar will surely make me recall. You have noticed that I have successfully rambled on about nothing and you have learned that growing older gracefully can’t happen to everyone.  Everybody is nutsy and you tell them that and they laugh. I, guess they know already.

Sorry, I better close off before this becomes well-worn. I have just aged to the 70 year plateau, which means goose egg to me, but everyone else is celebrating. I always thought they were nuts and this proves my case. Well, thanks for enduring this and you should be on your second 500 ml jar half-full of wine by now.

Thanks for fixing the snow blower, be sure to drop in soon and we can have some distilled mosquito bite to ward off the cold.

Yours humble-bull-lee,

 Bruce

Why don’t I write to newspaper anymore?

Bob is a long time acquaintance from our former glory days of youth. We have known and wizened ourselves from the school of Hard Knocks n Bumps, our diplomas of merit are near??. He looks like a professor of  Diplomas etuis’ Emeritus quo sancta humanae and speaks as such..

*recently Bob had some medical issues which has taken his ability to speak and that is so sad indeed. 

My Friend Bob asked me one day why don’t I write to paper anymore. Bob, I, said, its like this, there is so much to write about that the local paper scarcely does its job as it is. For me to write them and criticize or inform them of the social injustices that be fall us would be over whelming. We both can articulate on anything from the idiots on council, the overpriced rec center, the wasted treatment plant, to the mundane.

But, you can’t write about it as the newspaper and the city hall siesta together and indeed make strange bed fellows and that’s is all that I am going to say, unless asked for further opinions. The audacious squeaks that emit when THEY walk are not from their shoes.(in my humble opinion).

That’s why THEY have to censor most of the news that is local to us readers. THEY in fact don’t care about too much what happens in the community as long as its big news. For example the” exclusion of the Lord’s Pray at council meetings”, maybe. To me that should have had more coverage than it did.

You can blame the people that don’t care as long as THEIR right to know what is going on is expressed in a clear and transparent manner. What bullshit, the government of the day can’t do that and we the little people demand this of our city bureaucrats. Hey-now, social equality lives.!, so it does.

(their are numerous idiot’s on council, but one female in particular which is anti-creed),thought it was “exclusive” of certain peoples rights to say a opening prayer. Well, THESE people didn’t care one way or the other, THEY never mentioned it. Having nothing more intelligent to do with THEIR time, THEY decided to jump on the “spiritual” bandwagon and make a commotion.(two of a kind spells danger.)

 I offer no apology towards this person because she is just doing her job and I am doing mine, madam, you are an idiot, the best I have ever seen. You are a “LULU”.  Your justification for intelligence escapes me. Bullshit will baffle brains and common sense, when applied in a substantial portion of deceitfulness.

There was so much to do about this that even writing and asking to reconsider was considered as an act of defiance, I just want the prayer to be said as usual and THOSE whom are insulted can leave and return when it’s over. Hell, if you went to THOSE other spiritual places do you think THEY quit saying their prayers because you all were “exclusive” , hell no,!! either like it or get outta the mosque.

Well, you know the results,  the idiots have caved in, to the other idiots all in the name of being political correct, bullshit again. And if you dare raise this subject, all the prime and proper, get pissed.

Folks, my mother-in-law, Summed this best “its all going to hell in a hand basket”. All the people that made this country what it is, must be turning in their graves, because of  so called intelligent people. The reason you were elected to office is, a better chance of us , to “tar n feather” if you did a piss poor job.

Did I mention that I wasn’t from here.!!?  This is why Bob, I don’t write to the paper.!!, THEY, can’t print this. This is too, exclusive.!! As I am only picking on one or two idiots, better I slander the whole council and make it worth my while, maybe fresh fodder for the newspaper.

Your friend in your debt, lets us pray,

Bruce

"May the idiots we entrusted power to, may they see the errors of their ways and when it comes to elect them again, I won’t" . Amen.

 And no, folks,  I am not a red necked bigot, in case you were wondering, and I did mention that I wasn’t from here. And to close, if this has offended anyone, if any of you (aka THEY) resemble the said subjects of my rant, I am apologetic, the truth bites just as sure as a junkyard dog at midnight.

Good nite Bob, say hi to Bill.

Bathroom reno's???,suck.!!

Dear Joe;

How are you to-day. Sorry, I am have been busy or I thought I was or I slipped into another dimension and just come back. Well, the misses is bent on doing something to the bathroom, again this time its going to happen.

This all started when the neighbor across the street decided to do some work on hers and then it went from just this, to just that and maybe this and that over there. You know what the man ended replacing everything in that bathroom.

She was so pissing happy with the job that she decided to put the house for sale and wants to move. “wtf”, I sure hope the misses is not going down the same path because I ain’t moving.

It turns out that they were planning to sell anyway and the bathroom was the last thing to be done and then they would move. Shit, I will do the bathroom as long as there is a understanding,” we ain’t moving”.

You know those little boys just love playing in the bathroom and if I can only keep the little guy from swimming in the toilet I would be happy. For some reason he thinks it’s a perfect dive tank and he does his best to swim under water.

You know what goes on in the toilet and this guy is happy as hell playing there and it ain’t a wonder he hasn’t caught “stuff” from this tank. I clean this toilet everyday and I sure wouldn’t want to swim in there.

But the cat thinks its her private watering hole and they lap the water from. Well, its sure is cold water but I am sure it’s the salt that they are after. Geezer, I just some shivers thinking about those dumb critters drinking from there.

I use just vinegar to clean so nobody should get ill from it, so I guess I better just keep the door closed and monitor the situation.

We looked around at several stores and the store downtown has the best selection and will even custom fit the vanity exactly, to what we need for just a few dollars more than the box store. The box store says, ”this is all we carry” you can make it fit, can’t you??.

It going to fun, maybe but I will working on this and I have only 5 days from start to finish, because its only bathroom with a toilet, tub and shower. I, love working under pressure, it makes you feel alive, don’t it. Yes, it time for another pill, I am starting to enjoy myself.

Write to you later, Joe and good luck with your tax return and no I don’t have any extra to give.!!. The kids are having a fund raiser, tell you all about it later.

The amount of refreshments allowed to the project.
When its gone, si,senor' its gone.!!