Risqué’ e-mails, who you goanna call.?

Hi Joe:

How  the hell are you, thank you for your call about your cable box. Did you know it took a whole beer to talk you thru the process of finding out what was wrong with it.? And another beer to just recall why you had to take it back and exchange it. Be sure to call me anytime because that’s the only time I get a break and a beer because I am helping out. Yes, de Boy Scout rides again.

Since we are on the subject of the cable, did you know there are less and less people that I can send any risqué’ e-mails too?. yes, I got a few the other day and I lmao and then when I thought whom I can send this too, you are the only name on file of a smut list. Only one person that has the same sense of humor and is a biker and likes to see a nude pix (full frontal) of a frosted beer bottle and steak and a naked women, the rest.??.

The people that have found religion and are boring again, send of course e-mails with religious content and you must forward this to 75 people within 30 seconds or risk the perils that are described if you all don’t. I am very happy for them and I wish them all well. Those guys are on my did not call list and immediate spam or sooner list. I have over 75 friends but I don’t have 30 seconds to complete the task. NO, sir.!!.

Then there are the seniors list that think I am a senior or its all the e-mails about prunes and other medical problems that I didn’t know existed until I got them. Just to be sure I did a quick scan of the of the net to be sure I was “organism free”, well I know that I ain’t orgasm free. These guys would not want to see my forwards either because their pace makers aren’t combat version , they have the condo version, so you know there could be some 911 calls. No, sir not them.

So, the only other person could be my son. Now, here’s where it gets crossing the line. You see he is younger, so if I sent them to him, would I be guilty of corruption of the youth. Or could I be classed as a dirty old man, wow, I bath regular even if its only on Saturday. Some of the misses friends think I am dirty old man, must be jealous or something. Truth is, I like what I know and I know what I like and you know what I like and they know what I like and proud of it.  So, I take it there is nothing to “not like”??

*better reread that, even I am confused.(bottom line, I like what I like).

Well, enough of the horse shit I gotta get back to salt mine aka bath room pissers, those kids couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a tail wind at their backs. No, wonder little boys want to be firemen, because they can …………,and you can think what ever you want here.!!

See later.



Who are you gonna call?



How to play "Polish Horseshoes".

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Bathroom reno's???,suck.!!

Dear Joe;

How are you to-day. Sorry, I am have been busy or I thought I was or I slipped into another dimension and just come back. Well, the misses is bent on doing something to the bathroom, again this time its going to happen.

This all started when the neighbor across the street decided to do some work on hers and then it went from just this, to just that and maybe this and that over there. You know what the man ended replacing everything in that bathroom.

She was so pissing happy with the job that she decided to put the house for sale and wants to move. “wtf”, I sure hope the misses is not going down the same path because I ain’t moving.

It turns out that they were planning to sell anyway and the bathroom was the last thing to be done and then they would move. Shit, I will do the bathroom as long as there is a understanding,” we ain’t moving”.

You know those little boys just love playing in the bathroom and if I can only keep the little guy from swimming in the toilet I would be happy. For some reason he thinks it’s a perfect dive tank and he does his best to swim under water.

You know what goes on in the toilet and this guy is happy as hell playing there and it ain’t a wonder he hasn’t caught “stuff” from this tank. I clean this toilet everyday and I sure wouldn’t want to swim in there.

But the cat thinks its her private watering hole and they lap the water from. Well, its sure is cold water but I am sure it’s the salt that they are after. Geezer, I just some shivers thinking about those dumb critters drinking from there.

I use just vinegar to clean so nobody should get ill from it, so I guess I better just keep the door closed and monitor the situation.

We looked around at several stores and the store downtown has the best selection and will even custom fit the vanity exactly, to what we need for just a few dollars more than the box store. The box store says, ”this is all we carry” you can make it fit, can’t you??.

It going to fun, maybe but I will working on this and I have only 5 days from start to finish, because its only bathroom with a toilet, tub and shower. I, love working under pressure, it makes you feel alive, don’t it. Yes, it time for another pill, I am starting to enjoy myself.

Write to you later, Joe and good luck with your tax return and no I don’t have any extra to give.!!. The kids are having a fund raiser, tell you all about it later.

The amount of refreshments allowed to the project.
When its gone, si,senor' its gone.!!

A note about Nothing.

Dear Joe:

Thank you for your letter and I am glad your back is getting mended. I bet your misses is also relieved that you aren’t as affectionate as usual, so it’s a good thing, every body gets a break. But, you need to keep the back stretched just like at work, over backwards and ankles behind your ears.

Some of the Family are going on a road trip to Needles in California and will travel for 5 to 6 days ,taking their time to warm up. I can’t bear to hear them talk about it, so my misses fills me in with the details.

My woman can be a reporter, she is so vivid in her descriptions, its makes your mouth water listening to the stories. And soon I can picture my self behind the wheel trucking down the road. I, rather it be a motorcycle for a while until it rains, any ways.

Her brother from the “Big Smoke” has convinced us to go and visit them for a week down there and defrost. My wife don’t need to be asked twice and we are all booked to travel down in March.

So, I will going there to defrost and get some rest, I hope I can and just recharge myself and then party for a while as well. I am good to go with the right crowd and I hope this is a good time for my misses whom needs it as well.

Sometimes when I repair things and I hit my fingers or cut them or scratch them, I swear as well. That is ok if the wee guys are not within ear shot and hear you. True to their image they repeat word for word just like a parrot. And this brings up the question from the wife, why do you swear?.

There are several reasons and depends on the circumstances that makes this usage of the verbs possible.  The kids are taking plurals and pronouns, maybe this may qualify as a teaching aid??. I think swear words have no septic gender or English definitive phrase, so they are a stand alone composition.

Lets, be serious we all swear and for no other reason, other than we are unable to find an automatic response that is political correct and inclusive, like the city councilors and the Lords Prayer. And suitable for children, NOT,. Happening.

Besides my wife knows the answer and feels like pushing my buttons and like a junk yard dog, I go for it.

A long time ago when the fore fathers were roaming the earth looking for paradise and they were lost, first set of swear words emulated from here. ”where in the hell are we”? ,most certainly to the point.

This is now repeated every year at different times and they are called, Family Vacations”. And I am sure when repairs had to made to stature of the Ark and its descendants, a set of words were also used. They were to comment on the situation at hand not so much as instructions but frustrations with a project going poorly.

These words were of encouragement to warn people to stay away or risk a thumping or a verbal barrage of insults to show not so much love or dislike but again with the shit happening, what are you going to say,” the Lords Prayer.?., it would have been better is my wife’s response.

At this point I am ready to go back to the problem at hand and I will remember to cuss under my breath while I am singing , “we are the champions”, also under my breath, with so much breath holding, sewer words will have no place at this time. In my opinion they have to be blasted out at 90 decibel’s.

It releases the tension on the problem and it’s a good time to stop have a beer and think this thru again and come up with an alternative solutions or say screw it and come back later. After all, if its worth doing, its worth doing right.!

But will it make things go any better, stay tuned and I will let you know in my next letter to Joe.