“I was contemplating life”

Dear Joe;

Preamble: This is about my brother-in-law. Why, am I writing about him??.. Does knowing someone for over 40 years give anyone this privilege?. I am not sure, maybe that can be another story. I have the utmost respect for this guy, I mean he has to deal with me and that is a challenge onto its self.

Maybe,  I shouldn’t and forget about it. This maybe an invasion of a persons privacy. But, I did talk to him about it and he says go ahead and publish it, I mean how bad can it be.?   Tuff dude.??. he has the same schmaltziness as a stone.

 That’s a lot of knowledge accumulated over time and it’s a fact that our lives seek predictable paths. I, am writing this under the assumption that if it were me, I would have similar thoughts.? As a matter of fact, this is exactly, what I, would said or done, if it were me too.!!.

So, to continue; This, was in response to a question”, I asked him, what were you thinking”?. From a picture taken showing a melancholic  gaze staring out into space, where for a moment your thoughts are….???. When I shot this picture I had no idea it would turn out so unusual. So, when I reviewed it, well it just begs the question” what “?

 His answer, “I was contemplating life” : a simple statement, those few words, have summed up his basic function in nature in that very moment he breathed out those words . What, did he mean by this statement, he never offered anything else beyond those words. His practical answer says it all. What, my best guess is, gut feeling if you will. “piss off and mind your own business”.?

Or did he think, “Am, I doing what I believe in, ” ,is what I have done to this point in my life worth the struggle?. Is there any one who gives a flying shit about what I have done or am I just a man that is the taking up space In the vastness of the universe, who-t-f-am-i.?

 In my opinion, this is a judgment of his life so far. He has realized that life is short and there are things that didn’t bother him before, now have some significant weight in their reality. This type of thinking, which has impacted him more than he has realized and it’s a troubling thought that will not go away.?

As often as he thinks about it, he more than often tries to not to accept the facts as they are. We are all guilty of that. Denial, or Acceptance, ………. (maybe., the thoughts of his own mortality). I believe we all think about it frequently. More so, when a death occurs of someone dear to you .

You know what, you are never going to be ready for your ending days. It will show up one day like an unexpected bill and you have a certain amount of time to pay. And you know what your response is when you get one of those.?., wtf, I thought I just paid this.??.

Its strange when you don’t want something, you receive it and when you really want, something you never get it and be careful what you wish for. Words from your Mother.  Sorry, I do digress, easily.

Yes, there were many things that digress that moment to occur and if you believe in Karma, perhaps. This is a fact some people can’t fathom to complete their lives.

It’s the kind of thing that occur to many people when the reality of the moment finally makes a connection in your head that you never knew before or ignored or weren’t enlighten to notice.

Some of us call it a gut feeling or something. But, this is far greater than that and when you experience this emotion, a lot of bits and pieces become obvious as in an asteroid field. A diversity of things that laid dormant, are reawakened and you experience a premonition and see more of yourself and you cringe at the discovery of why you are.

This will occur at a Family picnic or reunion. Then, you get a moment and the thought just comes outta no where and you are in the zone, with a melancholic  gaze staring out into space.

 Either, that or you are having a stomach spasm and its painful.

Conclusion; well, there is no gray, its black or white.?.!! Your value system determines what your mind set is. My aim was to write and not insult anyone, sometimes I fall short .